Two Christmas Songs I Really Hate!


I know “hate” and “Christmas” probably shouldn’t be in the same sentence, so how about “despise”?

Anyway, I absolutely loathe “The Little Drummer Boy”.

I find it slow and tedious and pretentious and annoying.

Hearing it over and over again is the equivalent of putting hot pokers under my nails.

The only version I can tolerate is the duet between Bing Crosby and David Bowie, and that’s only because it’s so unbelievably bizarre that the weirdness makes it rather compelling.

The other Christmas ditty I want to go away for all time is “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”

It’s a brilliant tune, mind you, and Judy Garland sang the shit out of it, but it’s just so sad and poignant and depressing that instead of lifting a glass of eggnog by the end of it, you want to put shards of glass to your veins.

Every time that song comes on somewhere, I no longer believe in Santa Claus — or in the value of life itself.

Make it stop!

A Christmas song I can take??

“All I Want for Christmas Is You,” sung by Mariah Carey at her best.

Sure, it’s a bittersweet message, but the song is upbeat and fun!

And as long as we’re stuck with this freakin’ holiday every year, let’s make it FUN!!!