Don’t Try This At Home: 5 Grossest Holiday Recipes

So it seems that this extended holiday weekend has, finally, wound down. And between all of those holiday meals, you must be exhausted from cooking. So don’t worry. These are some recipes that won’t make you want to bum-rush the stove.

Every television cook, and their mother, spends their December airtime extolling the virtues of turkey brining and doling out cookie variations. Some look amazing. And some, well, just don’t. So, with memories of Sandra Lee’s Kwanzaa cake dancing in our heads, we bring you five holiday recipes … that you won’t want to try at home.

5. Holiday Chicken Aspic: OK, aspic is pretty gross. But stick it on top of some shredded chicken? Barf. It looks like congealed chicken soup.

4. Salmon Wellington: While pastry-wrapped salmon may not be such a horrible thing, scroll to the bottom of this recipe to find the offending component. That’s right — Dijon Whipped Cream. The Hearty Boys may think this is acceptable party fare, but they must not like their guests that much.

3. Pork-Stuffed Collard Greens: Things aren’t looking so sunny for Sunny Anderson’s Pork-Stuffed Collard Greens. The pale meat in the picture may not do the recipe justice, but its turnoff enough to keep this out of your repertoire. She pretty much just swapped collard greens for cabbage and pork for beef? Sounds like a dish you know?

2. Coca-Cola Chipotle Country Ham: Syrupy, carbonated beverage, chipotle sauce, and canned pineapple? Enough said.

1. The Heavyset Cheese Ball: Oh, Amy Sedaris. Maybe you should stick to writing. Stuffing almonds into pasty cream cheese-mayo mixture does not an appetizing appetizer make. Shame on Paula Deen for featuring it on her website.