You may not be aware, but today is an important day on our nation’s calendar. It is, yes, several days after Christmas, and several days until the New Year (and the eve proceeding that year). And it is a Wednesday, a/k/a, “Hump Day.” But more important than all of that is, it is Good Riddance Day, a day in which you are supposed to say goodbye to all that lingering crap and the bad memories that have been clogging up your arteries or pipes or apartment or emotions or brain. Dredge that shit up and throw it away!
To assist you in this effort, the Times Square Alliance has a mobile shredding truck (along with a dumpster and sledgehammer) parked in Broadway Plaza today, as well as stations at which you can write your worst memory and then destroy it. Nothing makes old, bad memories better than an efficient disposal method. You could also do this in the comfort of your own home. Be careful about burning things, that can go badly.
Good Riddance Day promoters promise, hopefully if not scientifically: “Whether you’re bidding farewell to pink slips or parking tickets, credit cards or Valentine’s Day cards, the one percent or the 99 percent, your bad memories from 2011 will be destroyed, never to be seen again. This is a chance to start fresh in 2012!”
They also note that this is not “a mass shredding or disposal event.” If one of your regrets is that you never bought a shredder, get thee to an office supply store.
Corny, perhaps, but we sort of like this idea of recalling the worst memory of the year, the one you’ve spent all year trying to forget about and get over but never fully have, because, well, sharing awful memories and regrets is fun, and, at the very least, helps create a collaborative and healthily competitive community of misery.
As for our worst memory of the year…hm…could it be the time the New York Times sent us that terrifying spam email that wasn’t actually from the New York Times at all, and didn’t even promise us any real money if we wrote back? Or maybe it was the Times after all! (Times, get thee to a reply-all training facility!)
Anyway, the year’s not over yet.