New Jersey Children Are Being Armed With Umbrellas to Protect Against Seagull Shitstorm


A townhouse development in Tinton Falls, New Jersey, is facing an unprecedented scourge from above. Thousands of seagulls have appeared, Alfred Hitchcock-like, except that instead of terrorizing citizens and pecking them to death, they are terrorizing them with their poop. It’s gotten so bad that children are being armed with umbrellas on sunny days, and, well, it sounds pretty damn apocalyptic:

Rooftops in Fox Chase are splotched white from the droppings, small animal bones litter backyard patios, feathers are everywhere and children who use the play equipment end up with white residue on their clothes.

The arrival of the estimated 7,000 seagulls is being linked to an experiment in which falcons were used at the nearby Monmouth County landfill. The falcons may have chased the seagulls away to their new spot, to the unhappiness of white residue-covered residents.

Since this began, the falcon program has been suspended, but the seagulls remain, with officials “aware of the problem” and trying to figure out a solution.

Er, how does seagull taste?

Thousands of Seagulls Perch in NJ Neighborhood, Residents Screech [NBC NY]