The GOP debates have essentially turned into a traveling theater production, and today’s matinee in New Hampshire was surprisingly energetic given their late performance last night. After going easy on Romney yesterday, the other candidates tried to stick it to him during this morning’s MSNBC debate. The barb that everyone will be talking about came from Newt Gingrich when he told Romney to “drop a little bit of the pious baloney” when talking about his career outside politics. Video after the jump.
The question obviously isn’t whether or not Gingrich had a valid point, but rather what baloney was he talking about, specifically? Baloney (or bologna) is a much-maligned meat that has been called a lot of things, but rarely “pious.” Considering all the baloney options behind your local deli counter, we take a look at which ones are the most pious.
Boar’s Head Bologna
At first glance, this is a pretty standard, plain, everyman bologna. But when you realize that Boar’s Head has an ad campaign boasting that they’ve kept sodium down in their deli meats for years, you start to see the piousness creep in.
Pious Scale: 3 out of 5 Romneys
Hebrew National Beef Bologna
Despite having “Hebrew” in its name with all its religious connotations, this bologna is remarkably un-pious. Tastes great on challah.
Pious Scale: 1 Romney
Karl Ehmer Bologna
This is a classic bologna, steeped in “old world” traditions. Yeah, that sounds pretty pious to us.
Pious scale: 3 1/2 Romneys
Oscar Mayer Beef Baloney
A real hard hat, lunch pail baloney. We’re not even going to call it “bologna,” because that fancy spelling wouldn’t truly represent just how blue collar this lunch meat is. Doesn’t even know the definition of pious.
Pious scale: 0 Romneys
Applegate Uncured Turkey Bologna
Christ. This bologna is made of turkey and is “heart smart.” It also costs a full two dollars more per pound. Alright, Applegate, cut this pious B.S.
Pious scale: 5 Romneys
Newt To Mitt: “Drop The Pious Baloney” [BuzzFeed]