And I’m here! I’m still here!
My bunions had grown so unfashionably large that there was no footwear on earth that could pleasure my feet — not even basketball sneakers — so I had to break down and go for surgery.
And as you can see from the above photos, not only did they remove the bunions, but they put pretty nail polish on me for the after shot.
(Kidding. That’s someone else’s feet. Mine have pink polish, with sparkles.)
Anyway, it was all rather traumatic but presumably worthwhile — and as I twice entered the twilight state and prepared to go under the knife, I kept hearing the well-meaning things friends had told me, as if in some movie montage starring Lana Turner:
“I’ll pray for you!”
“A friend of mine did it. It took him six months to walk again!”
“I hear this is the one kind of surgery you really are gonna need the painkillers for.”
“Break a leg, lol!”
Fortunately, by that point I was out like a wino, reawakening to find my feet were lithe and trim and almost human-looking.
Thank you, oh surgery stars. And if any of y’all ever need to do this, please don’t think twice before going ahead with it.
I’ll pray for you! Because it really hurts!