Best Kiddie Pageant Queen Ever!


Normally I think kiddie beauty pageants should be outlawed and the mothers should face the electric chair, with a tiara rammed up their ass.

But Alana, aged six, is the cutest, realest, funniest, most outrageous entrant since Little Miss Sunshine, and she’s made me believe again.

Among her priceless utterances:

“I’m a superstar because I do pageants.”

“My special juice is gonna help me win!”

“My momma nickname is Coupon Queen.”

“Beauty is so boring. I don’t wanna do it!”

“I want to win money! A dollar makes me holler, honey boo boo.”

Best of all, she rolls her flabby stomach around and says, “This is what I show to the judges!”

And they’d better vote for this honey-boo-boo child because she’s a winner, baby.