No Gays In The Dolly Parton/Latifah Film!


In the script, that is.

Let me first say that Joyful Noise — with rival chantoozies Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton warring over how to run their small-town choir — is corny and formulaic, but a kind of fun guilty pleasure for January.

Sure, Latifah’s character is annoyingly preachy and chirps stuff like, “There’s always free cheese in the mousetrap, but trust me, the mice there ain’t happy.”

Yes, Dolly has to make jokes about her surgery and also mutters stuff like, “Tryin’ to fool me is like tryin’ to sneak sunrise past a rooster.”

Yep, there’s a drippy lead romance, plus a fat black lady who mysteriously attracts Asians, a wayward dad, a kid with Asperger’s, a cheesy catfight, and a Dolly duet with a dead man — and all the plots are carefully resolved by the end as if this were a Hallmark TV movie version of Sister Act.

But … yes, there’s a but … it’s kind of enjoyable, and the musical numbers spring to life with surprising verve.

But there are no gays (unless you count the one-second wordless cameo by the gay writer/director)!

The Asperger’s kid even tells the cute guy from Bonnie & Clyde that “part of my condition is I can’t tell when people are coming on to me” — as if he needs assurance that the guy isn’t being friendly by way of a come-on.

And naturally he isn’t.

Come on!

Tryin’ to sneak an all-hetero showbiz movie past me is like tryin’ to get a hatchet past a serial killer.