There Are No Cabs In NYC!


As a result of my recent foot surgeries, I haven’t been able to ride my beloved bike while recuperating, so I’ve had to resort to the transportation mode that lots of other New Yorkers rely on:


But there aren’t any!

I actually had to miss a screening of the Madonna movie after 20 minutes of standing in the street like a doof, waiting for an available cab that never came.

Oh, there were cabs all right. But they were all occupied and blithely whizzing by me like lost opportunities, even with me flirtaciously showing a little knee.

And if one does miraculously appear, hundreds of people suddenly jump out of the bushes like sink roaches, leaving you even more bruised and desolate than before.

It’s an insane situation. You’re willing to pay a fortune just to sit in traffic and eventually go 10 blocks to your destination, but it won’t happen because no one’s available to take you there!

After seeing a Broadway show, I actually had to hobble all the way home in my surgical shoes, realizing halfway there that a cab was never gonna come any more than my dream man on a freshly cleaned white horse.

And yes, I know about subways, but I didn’t want to limp up and down steps and make a lot of transfers, and buses never seem to take you exactly where you need to be. (And besides, who wants to wait for them out in the freezing cold? In surgical shoes?)

And I’m certainly not going to take my life in my hands with a pedicab.

Get in one of those and you have a 40 percent survival rate (though the “drivers” are always cute).

Anyway, I will be back on my bike any minute now.

And I won’t be missing appointments.