Johnny And Vanessa! Heidi And Seal! What Next?


When Katy Perry and Russell Brand announced their split not long ago, no one batted a fake lash.

It was a matter of “How did it even manage to last that long?”

But when relationship champs like Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis, and Heidi Klum and Seal, are reportedly splitsville, who’s left that we can really count on?

Those were the people we continually turned to for proof that diverse and unconventional pairings could work in the long run.

And they did! They were absolute perfection, matches made way up above, probably in a really expensive penthouse in the sky.

‘Nessy melded with Johnny as beautifully as his tousled hair and wacko demeanor. Heidi, Seal, and their baby Seals were as fragrant together as a kiss from a rose.

But not anymore!

Their seemingly perfect unions hit a snag, and now they’re as intangible as last season’s Lagerfeld for H&M.

Thank God for Brad and Angelina and Woody and Soon-Yi.

Those were the two relationships that were supposed to destroy civilization with their crass, vulgar wantonness — but funny, they’re still here.

They still work.

They will rock on forever.

After the apocalypse, there will be cockroaches, Brangelina, and Woon-Yi.

Get used to it.