Fashion Week Approacheth! Here Are The Rules!


Yes, there are rules.

Disobey them and you become fashion-unfabulous in the drop of a hemline.

*Run around Lincoln Center every day, telling strangers, “Gosh, I hate Fashion Week! I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t absolutely have to be!” This gives out the impression that you have some incredible high-paying, powerful job in the fashion industry when in reality, you’re a wannabe and total crasher.

*Mill around the waiting area before each show. This is your chance to pick up free samples, force yourself into photo opportunities, and network your way into some kind of flashy if superficial future.

*Wear Chinatown-bought knockoffs of all the top designers and flaunt them with pride. No one will know the difference! These people are dumb!

*Run up to Anna Wintour and gush, “I’m such a big fan. Loved you in The Devil Wears Prada.” She might hate you, but she’ll never forget you. Next time she sees you, she might think, “I know that person!”

*Pick one model from the pack and scream and cheer every time she comes down the runway while blowing kisses and winking and pointing at her. People will assume you’re very close.

*Only drop the very best names. Gush to people about how amazing the Marc Jacobs show was. If they say, “But it hasn’t happened yet,” coolly reply, “Oh, he gave me a private showing.”

*After each show, wait till the room starts clearing, then scoop up as many gift bags left on the seats as you can. Last year, I got three Talking Ken dolls!