The Worst Tweet I Ever Read! It Hurt!


If you “bing.com” yourself, then press “News,” various tweets with your name in them pop up, messages that you may not have seen by clicking on your Twitter account.

And lordy, how I wished I hadn’t Binged myself yesterday.

Because a guy from Canada — a country I’ve visited and been celebrated in more than once — had this little horror to tweet:

“Twitter is suggesting I follow Missy Elliott and some old, nerdy looking guy named Michael Musto. No thanks!”

Now, I could have followed my own advice and taken the high road, but that turned out not to be an option because, like Beatrice Straight in Network, I was hurt!

And since tweets are so short, I couldn’t send the answer I really wanted to write:

Something listing all my copious credits, informing the douche that I’ve been called a legend in gossip and nightlife, am all over American TV, just published my fourth book, was in the Out100, and am an all-around great guy with some really cool neckties. And besides, he’s 36 years old (I checked his website), so he wouldn’t exactly be called young. And furthermore, WTF is wrong with Missy Elliott?

Not only wouldn’t all that fit in one tweet, but it would come off rather pathetic. If he thinks I’m nothing more than some old nerd, how could you really change his mind? (Besides, you can’t make every person on the planet love you, hard as I’ve tried.)

So I simply tweeted him:

“Thank God! I have enough morons following me.”