Say what you will about Lana Del Rey—and boy, have you ever, Internet—even her most devoted fans would be hard-pressed to call her “profound.” Amidst the embarrassing-for-everybody controversy over her Saturday Night Live performance, her lips, her name, her dad, her shelved first album and whether or not she actually likes video games (per an MTV interview: nope), the stone that is her Twitter feed has largely been left unturned. It’s full of perky @ replies, album news and the sort of “meaningful,” punctuation-challenged platitudes that you generally find on the Facebook walls of people who had kids right after high school.
But! Is Del Rey’s zombie-eyed thought catalog so strange and robotic that you’d mistake it for a bizarrely compelling spambot designed to sell ebooks about horses? Is Lana our next inexplicably profound Internet muse? Is she smarter than the seemingly sentient @horse_ebooks, and more importantly, can you tell them apart? We’re guessing no—but you’re welcome to try. Below, you’ll find tweets from both, presented verbatim. Don’t cheat! If you can identify 1-5, you’ve probably never heard of Hipster Runoff and should congratulate yourself; 6-10, you’re a reasonable, Internet-savvy adult; 11-15, have you even left your apartment this week? Call your mother, she’s worried about you.
1. Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you. You must travel it by yourself. It is not far. It is within reach.
2. Mesmerizing Ways
3. You re the best. I am all fired up now. I have been doing this for years and it has to be
4. with no access to social media, and the videos been leaked from Russia
5. Park your fancy car on a city street
7. Everything Was Beautiful And Nothing Hurt
8. They don t understand rage. They have no idea how
9. How can I say this? Simply, because
10. you’re a star my dear
11. HOT Women As Fast As A Cowboy
12. Be always at war with your Vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man.
13. Stay out of those dark corners and walk towards the light..
14. 3. Q: What do blondes say after sex? A: “Thanks,
15. Speaking strictly for me- we both could have died then and there
Answers: @lanadelrey: 1, 4, 6, 7, 10, 12, 13, 15. @horse_ebooks: 2, 3, 5, 8, 9, 11, 14.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on February 10, 2012