On last night’s Countdown show, Keith and I had tons of fun dissecting the Republicans’ pledge to ban “hard-core, offensive porn” and — on a whole other plane — we also managed to chew over their probable Valentine’s Day plans.
Among my HILARIOUS outbursts:
*On the subject of the Repub attack on hard-core Internet porn, Keith sardonically asked, “So they’re proposing getting rid of the Internet, are they?”
I replied, “They should, because that’s the only thing people use it for — except for Angry Birds, and to me, that’s vaguely pornographic, too. All that rage is so sexy. But yeah, let’s get rid of the whole Internet because the thought of being left with tasteful, soft-core porn is horrible. You’ll turn on your computer and there’ll be Sharon Stone retrospectives and pictures of Michelangelo’s David. I don’t have the imagination for that.”
*Asked about the Republicans’ particular targeting of hotels and motels in their war against porn:
“This is so self-defeating! Republicans are now going to have shack up with their mistresses at a Comfort Inn and there’ll be no porn to turn them on. They’re going to have to rely on the old ‘wrongness of the situation’ thing to get aroused by, but that wears thin after the 72nd time. They can always steal the Bible and read about Sodom and Gomorrah, but let’s face it, they already know all that by heart and have acted it out in community theater.
“This is crazy! A hotel without porn is like a prostie with crabs — you can still stay there, but what’s the point?”
*And asked what the Bachmanns’ Valentine’s Day plans were:
“I hear they’ve had a lovely evening starting with a Thai noodle restaurant — Marcus adores noodles — and then they went to a Village People concert at an Ikea store, and they’re going to end up at a piano bar, where they’ll sing the score of Wicked.
“Typical heterosexual stuff. Boring, but really sweet.”
Hey, the video just came in. See for yourself:
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on February 15, 2012