Let’s Write The Worst Personal Ad In History Together

I’ll start.

Hello. I’m 967 pounds, but it looks good on my frame.

I’m 3′ 5″. I’m actually 5′ 9″, but I lean over a lot for attention.

My doctor said I need to curb my eating. I changed doctors.

I collect dead rats as a hobby.

Sick, you say? Well, it got me on TV.

I have no money, and that’s where you come in.

Let’s have lots of long, romantic dinners. It will reduce the amount of times I have to mooch off friends or live off lawsuits.

I’m an Aries. I have a mullet and wear palazzo pants. You should too.

And you must have a shockingly high IQ and a body that makes my mouth drop open enough so spaghetti falls out.

My favorite star of Mob Wives is … all of them.

All right, keep this going, people …