New York

In Praise Of Global Warming


What’s the problem, people?

It’s really nice out!

We had the mildest winter in ages.

Yeah, there was the weird blizzard back in October, which seemed to spell the end of the world in certain parts of the Northeast.

But it was a fluke — a stroke of bad luck — and then came a lovely winter season during which I don’t even recall needing to wear gloves!

In fact, it’s been positively broiling, like a live lobster on the grill!

I vividly recall a glorious 70-something day just last week, and today comes another one, prompting the masses to wear skivvies and prance around getting color on their pasty thighs as our bodies fill with solar-sent vitamin D.

It’s a God-given gift.

I know people who’ve taken off to the Caribbean who would have had a way better time staying right at home!

Face it: Global warming is delightful!

And if the ice caps melt and the city is flooded at some point in the future, so what?

We won’t be around for that.

And meanwhile, we can spend the rest of March sitting at the beach and instructing our grandkids about how to live underwater.

Under warm water.

So stop your kvetching and meet me by the cabana. You bring the sunscreen; I’ll bring the Bible!

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