New York

Help Me Create The Fashion Victim Museum!


Who could be more qualified to curate this thing than me?

And I’m quite certain you can help!

Here are the exhibits and displays I’ve already got in mind:

*Asymmetrical outfits, calculatedly damaged jeans, body paint, sideways visors, and sunglasses

All represented in the above photo — a miracle of victimization!

*Shoulder pads

Any kind of shoulder pads. They scream “victim!” and usually look like unhealthy growths that need to be looked at by a medical professional.

*Expensive designer handbags

Don’t people know the cheap knockoffs look exactly the same? Dummos!

*The collar up

This invariably makes me spew. It’s so silly looking, like the wearer just came out of a pretentious, dated gay wind tunnel.

*Polka dots

They’ve always looked horrible on anyone except Jeff Chandler. Even horizontal stripes are more flattering.

*Nose rings

They make me want to pull really hard.

*A tattoo of your own name

What, you couldn’t remember it?

And finally …

*Cosby-style sweaters

I have a million of them!

In fact, the museum is located right in my walk-in closet.

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