If you’re looking for romantic advice and you’ve sapped your pals’ repository of answers (not to mention their patience), why not turn to the stars? Especially when they’re as witty and real-talking as Hunx? In the first installment of his love-advice column, he offers tips on making the first move, winning someone’s heart back, and dealing with being too perfect. Got a problem? He’ll be back later this week to solve more, so send in your questions!
There’s this really cute boy working at my local Dunkin’ Donuts that I believe to be the love of my life. I know this sounds stupid considering I’ve never even talked to him aside from placing an order. And I know this is weird but I try to go in there at least once a week just to see him. We casually smile at each other and if I decide to stay we exchange stares at least 15 times (but who’s counting?). Naturally I would wait for him to make the first move but taking into consideration that he’s working I understand why he wouldn’t. So how do I go about taking initiative and talking to him? I just want him to know I exist and think he’s adorable. I don’t want him to quit and for this to become one of those, “UGH! I should’ve just talked to him!” scenarios which have happened to me quite a lot. Should I write him a love letter and leave it on the windshield of his car à la ‘Like Crazy’?? What do I do?
Dear Dunkin Dongs,
Well, I think I might be the wrong guy to answer this but one time this really hot doctor was giving me an exam for scabies on my private parts and he was so incredibly hot and professional that I got a raging boner. Soooo embarrassing, right? If that’s not bad enough, later that night I got drunk and placed a Missed Connections ad for him on Craigslist. Needless to say, he never called. In retrospect, even though nothing came of it, I think I did the right thing. It’s always better to go for it than to forever wonder and regret not doing something. I would say, pass him a really cute note and wait for him to call.
I’ve got a girl in my life, but the thing is, we stopped dating (ended on good terms) last xummer. We have been talking on and off for the past few months, and recently she moved to a Ann Arbor (1.5 hours from me). I know I am ready to make a real commitment (not marriage, I’m only 20), but I also don’t want to rush anything, but I also am ready to drive out to her, visit her at Starbucks, and ask her to be the sugar in my venti. I need luv advice!!! Should I write her a letter explaining how I feel? Drive out there and visit her on my hands and knees? Oy vey! xcited to see u friday in detroit, Zander
Dear It’s Cold in the D,
What are you waiting for you little creep, drive out there and get on your hands and knees. Tell her how you really feel. You’re only 20, what do you have to lose ? There’s a million people in the world if this doesn’t work out. And you have your whole life ahead of you.
HUNX AND HIS PUNX
What are some good lines for saying no from the beginning so I can avoid being such a heartbreaker after saying yes? It happens every time. I just want it all!!
We want it all too. Who doesn’t?? Maybe you should stop being a jerky little heartbreaker and be honest from the beginning—you’re slutty. Accept it. You’d be surprised how many people are DTF with NSA. I used to be that girl, but now I rarely even take off my underpants. I make them earn it. Here are a couple lines to get you started: “You get one date with me. You better make it count or that’s it.” Or you could try “I’m just looking to fuck,” or even better after the first date, just lie to them and tell them, “You don’t wanna get involved with me, my teeth stink.”
Good luck heartbreaker!
Hunx and His Punx