New York has supposedly stepped into the future with high-tech taxis which, sadly, are nothing like the vehicles in The Fifth Element.
Anyway, the City will soon have a new official fleet of Nissan NV200 cabs, which will feature amenities such as sliding doors, skylights, USB cell phone chargers, GPS, and odor-resistant(?) upholstery.
While some herald the end of the Crown Vic era as a step in the right direction, there’s clearly lots of room for improvement — aside from making these cabs more Korben Dallas-like. Runnin’ Scared’s expert team has come up with a list of features that must be added to these Nissans immediately.
What’s worse than being drunk in a cab? Being drunk and hungry in a cab, obvs. A small selection of ready-to-serve cheese and pepperoni slices would solve this problem.
Why suggest vomit bags — like the kind you get on airplanes — when paper is dangerously thin?
As a Voice staffer put it: “When are you in a cab and you don’t have to piss?
This would make the Lower East Side-to-Willismaburg trip with that random bar pickup so much less awkward.
Privacy screens don’t protect against disease and pregnancy, silly!
Sometimes prophylactics don’t protect against pregnancy either!
The former, for when you WANT to keep the party going. The latter, for when you NEED the heart palpitations and cold sweats to stop.
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Follow Victoria Bekiempis @vicbekiempis.