Ever Cheat on Your Spouse? Then You Could Get Strip Searched!


America, fuck no!

Runnin’ Scared recently brought you news of the damning 5-4 U.S. Supreme Court decision that OKs strip searches for any offense — even something so minor as an unpaid parking ticket.

Yes, it is absurd — and just plain wrong — that jailers can now make inmates undergo cavity searches for a parking ticket.

And specifically in New York, there are plenty of minor offenses in the penal code that can lead to these invasive investigations.

Some of these crimes?


What’s worse than getting caught cheating? Getting strip searched after getting caught cheating.

Fortune Telling

Crystal balls probably don’t count as contraband, but the court’s decision doesn’t even require guards to suspect contraband to conduct these sketchy shakedowns.

Criminal Anarchy

If you’ve ever talked publicly about violently overthrowing the government — or spread literature that espouses these ideas — the state could have the right to overthrow your bodily privacy.

Criminal interference with health care services or religious worship in the second degree

Yes, yelling in church can now lead to strip searches.

Criminal Mischief in the Fourth Degree

This statute applies to most teenage shenanigans, such as busting out the windows on that creepy, abandoned building (which really doesn’t seem all that strip search worthy.)

Making Graffiti

Plan on spreading wheat paste posters across the city? Then plan on spreading your cheeks for a bunch of strangers if you get caught.

Unlawfully Using Slugs (fake coins)

After the Supreme Court decision, correction guards will certainly have no trouble making sure you don’t cheat the jail’s laundromat.

*Some of these crimes, such as adultery, have been on the books *almost* forever and rarely get prosecuted. However, until penal code reforms take place, they’re still technically viable laws.

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