Just in the nick of time—i.e., right before “Girls, Girls, Girls” dipped below the “20% of all music played in strip clubs everywhere” threshold—the Déjà Vu chain of strip clubs brought Motley Crue’s Vince Neil on board to rebrand one of their Las Vegas locations as Vince Neil’s Girls, Girls, Girls, boasting rock music and tattooed women. For those lucky enough to be in Las Vegas, the club celebrates its grand reopening on the extremely rock and roll date of Friday, April 13.
If you haven’t been to a strip club in real Amurica and have only seen tattoo-free dancers swaying to house and techno, the idea might seem like a fresh concept. But if you’ve been to a strip club outside of Vegas or Manhattan—say, to Devils Point in Portland, the Cheetah in L.A., or Lollipops in Daytona Beach—Girls, Girls, Girls just looks like a regular strip club with a really, really tan manager. There are other musicians who would make more entertaining proprietors, and they all have strip-club classics in their catalogs to boot.
1. Vinnie Paul (Pantera)
(Signature stripper song: “Walk”)
This one isn’t a hypothetical, but a reality: Dallas’s The Clubhouse has been partially owned by Paul since the ’90s. The club is known for its rock-heavy music format and occasional live shows by signees to Paul’s label. It was also where fetish model Masuimi Max launched her career, and is a known hangout for local athletes and celebrities. They also have a very informative PowerPoint promo video.
2. Josh Homme (Queens of the Stone Age)
(Signature stripper song: “No One Knows”)
Something tells me Homme would be great at conceptualizing a rock strip club. He’d be a trustworthy music director and probably hire really good bouncers. Plus, his band is already in heavy rotation in a ton of clubs.
3. Joan Jett
(Signature stripper song: “Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)”)
The artist behind stripper classics like “Bad Reputation,” “I Love Rock’n’Roll,” “Do You Wanna Touch Me,” and “I Hate Myself For Loving You” would open one hell of a woman-friendly club. No managers would ever tell the strippers with punky short hair to wear a wig or get extensions, either.
4. ZZ Top
(Signature stripper song: “Tush”)
They come from Texas, which gave us the “gentlemen’s club” concept in the first place. They’d probably put a car on the stage, which would be an awesome prop for the dancers.
(Signature stripper song: “Shakin’ Hands”)
These guys’ music is unavoidable within a 500-foot radius of a pole; they should just start the Tim Horton’s of strip clubs in Canada.