Best friends since college and current housemates, Kim (Krysten Ritter) and Deena (Kate Bosworth) fight, while entertaining dates, over who gets the last condom. One year later, Kim, who lost the battle, now totes her infant son on her back while on duty walking dogs and picking up their turds. Deena, the victor, focuses on getting her self-help books published, insisting, “This is a really, really exciting time for women”—though not for those sitting through this movie’s 100 minutes. Co-written by Ritter and Kat Coiro, who makes her feature-directing debut here, L!fe Happens is a blonde-brunette buddy comedy with a charmless cast (Rachel Bilson plays the third roomie, a Christian virgin) and banter as flat as Deena’s favorite no-strings imperative, “Bone and bolt.” Kim would like to do just that with Nicolas (Geoff Stults, as magnetic as your average sports-bar regular), but, a self-conscious single mother, she complicates matters by telling him that she’s childless—a lie exposed when a squirt of breast milk lands in his eye during sex. When the truth (or believability) isn’t being stretched, everything else—character details, sudden new sources of income—is kept vague.