New York

Straight Etiquette For Gay Bars


If gay guys have to abide by certain rules at gay bars, then the visiting heteros certainly should as well — and Brian Moylan has finally laid them out so there won’t be any further clashing of minds and behinds.

Among the rules are helpful provisos like:

“Your Vagina Has No Power Here”

“No One Likes a Cockblocker”

“Hands Off”

(“We won’t touch your boobs if you don’t touch our cocks.” Heck, I won’t touch your boobs even if you do touch my cock.)


“Stop clutching your girlfriend like she’s some sort of heterosexual life preserver to keep you from drowning in a sea of receptive anal intercourse.”

(It didn’t work on the Titanic, and it’s sure as hell not gonna work at Barracuda.)

And finally:

“There is no place for you at the Cock or any establishment that is named after the male genitalia or something incredibly masculine like Rawhide, Truck, or Woody’s.”

Of course, there’s no place for me at somewhere masculine, either, but that’s a whole other set of rules.

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