The L Magazine‘s sex-advice columnist Audrey Ference was asked by a lady how to add some light kink to her relationship with her boyfriend, who’s returning from abroad. (Or maybe he’s returning from a broad.)
Audrey’s response shows how eerily similar straights are to gays. Gosh, I guess they’re all just, I don’t know, people!
Here are the suggestions:
1. Ass-slapping, hard enough to sting, but only for a moment
2. Finger up his butthole
3. “Come on my face/tits.”
5. “Professor Fuckington, I’ve been a very bad girl.”/”Dr. Cockenstein, I think there’s something wrong with me–down there.”
6. One of you being tied to the bed/restrained. Under no circumstances should you use those sex dice or fuzzy handcuffs. This is not a bachelorette party.
7. Light choking/hair pulling/biting
8. A surprising number of guys really like tittyfucking, but feel weird asking.
9. “Tell me what you want me to do to you.”
10. Hot lunch. Just kidding! You should probably talk about that one beforehand. Also, careful about your sheets.
But if any of you gays feel that number 4 is wildly kinky, you probably need a therapist.
PS: The linked column isn’t new, but it’s still ranked high up on the mag’s most popular features, so I thought I’d share it in all its timeless appeal.