Classic singer Barbara Cook read off a bunch of them at her Feinstein’s at Loews Regency performance last night, as the crowd howled with laughter.
Here are some of the all-time best, according to Barbara:
“If My Nose Was Running Money, I’d Blow It All on You”
“If the Phone Don’t Ring, It’s Me”
“If You Don’t Leave Me Alone, I’ll Find Somebody Else Who Will”
“If I’d Have Shot You When I Wanted to, I’d Be Out by Now”
“My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don’t Love Jesus”
“Take Me Out to the Corn Field, Honey, and I’ll Kiss You Between the Ears”
And of course the immortal . . .
“When You Put Your Lunch in the Road Map, I Knew We Were Through”
Every one of those is a cotton-pickin’ classic of twisted country logic that makes perfect sense to me.
Got any others for me to have a private hoedown with?