New York

Earth Day Is Sunday! Here’s What To Do!


*Ride your bike. It works for me! I could give a shit about the environment, but if it’s helping, I have no problem with that. In fact, I’m willing to accept all prizes.

*Recycle something. Even an old boyfriend. Everything–and everyone–is reusable once you’ve gotten over the initial thrill.

*Plant a tree. (But not near my building, please. I don’t want to encourage any more squirrels running around and crapping all over the place, thereby lowering the real estate values.)

*Turn off all the lights in your apartment and use a candle. That’s how they did it in the old days (though they didn’t even have lights to turn off). Sound stupid? Yeah, but think of your next Con Ed bill.

*Eat dirt. It’s no worse than McDonald’s, and much better for the environment.

*Lay down on a Central Park road and kiss it, yelling, “I love you, earth!” Then roll out of the way fast when a car starts coming.

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