New York

Video Proof That Long Islanders Should Never Drink On Trains (Or Anywhere Else)

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What’s the only thing worse than a Long Islander? A drunk Long Islander — and the only thing worse than that is a drunk Long Islander on a train, which is probably why Long Island Railroad officials are testing out how a ban on booze on late-night weekend trains would impact “rambunctious behavior.”

“We think that [alcohol] continues to fuel some of the rambunctious
behavior we’ve been getting, all the way up to criminal behavior. We’re
just trying to get a different tone on the trains that lessens these
incidents,” LIRR President Helena Williams said today.

The ban would be applied to trains that run between midnight and 5 a.m. on Friday and Saturday mornings. If you’ve never had the (gulp) pleasure of heading to the Guyland early in the morning on the weekend, we envy you — it’s nothing but spray-tanned dickweeds (with stupid accents) hopped up on Jager-bombs as far as the eye can see. And — as you probably suspected — they all want to fight.

Think we’re kidding? Watch a few of the Youtube clips embedded below.