We all have one–except me.
I have seven.
You know, the kind of friend who, with all good intentions, always needles you about what you need to do to make your life complete.
They might not even have a TV–they simply watch their neighbors through the window for entertainment–but they constantly screech, “You need to get HBO!”
They’re jobless and would be homeless except that at age 43, they’re still living with their mother, but they’re always yammering that you need to invest in stocks and write a movie.
They have no arms or legs due to accidents, but they adore screaming, “You need to wear a helmet!”
Then there was the drugged-out freak who, when I informed him that I found someone cute, replied that the guy actually wasn’t–as if he knew what my type was and could advise me on who to pursue. It wasn’t up for discussion!
Advice can be lovely, mind you, but not when it’s unsolicited shtick from a buttinsky, and not when it sounds like a pale echo of various family members’ insistent whines.
After all, most people can call a professional if they want to be told what they need to do with their lives–their mother!
So how do you handle this kind of friend?
Snarl “Hello, pot”?
Scream “Shut the fuck up”?
Or simply do what they say, just to plug up the flow of unwanted advice for a second?