Come celebrate the few remaining bastions of American genteelness in the kitschiest way possible at the 138th Annual Kentucky Derby party at the Bell House in Brooklyn. At 1 p.m., Brooklyn milliner La China Loca will provide some delightfully extravagant ladies’ hats for you to look like a true Southern belle. Next, David Harvey and instructors from NYC Barn Dance will lead a square dance for all levels (no experience required, as moves will be taught on the spot). There will be live music and prizes for the best formal hat, best informal hat, and sharpest-dressed man. After the race, participate in some live-band karaoke featuring Bunny England & the New Originals, with trophies awarded for the most inspiring performance. In the meantime, best brush up on your drawl.

Sat., May 5, 1 p.m., 2012