Good News: The Days Of Prosthetic Dog Testicles Won’t Be Coming To An End In New York


Take a wild guess what a New York state lawmaker attempted to waste the Legislature’s time — and your money — arguing about. If you guessed prosthetic dog testicles (neuticles), congratulations — you’re correct.

Sounds nuts (pun intended), we know — but fake dog balls really is a “problem” Staten Island Assemblywoman Nicole Malliotakis apparently thought was worthy of the Legislature’s time. Luckily for ball-less pooches, Malliotakis has backed off her proposed neuticle ban (more on that below).

Still included in a bill Malliotakis introduced into the Legislature is a ban on other pet beautification procedures like tattoos and tummy-tucks — which also should probably fall pretty low on the Legislature’s to-do list.

We’re not the only ones who think a bill about fake dog testicles and canine tummy-tucks is a complete waste of time — Malliotakis’ opponent in this year’s election, John Mancuso, pounced on Malliotakis’ bill, posting the following on his Facebook page:

Neuticles? ……Really? How about worrying about the prescription pill
epidemic, or the lack of funding for our public schools, or even the
promises you made to expand the MTA and bus service. Let’s
start worrying about the real issues facing the 64th district and STOP
chasing cameras and publishing non-sense.”

Smoke screens and mirrors! The waste of tax payer money on such non-sense is sickening!

As we mentioned, the neuticle provision of Malliotakis’ bill has been dropped. The Albany Times Union reports that Malliotakis learned that the procedure was generally performed when a dog’s testicles are removed, and doesn’t require additional — potentially risky — surgery. We’re sure a substantial amount of ridicule also played a role in Malliotakis’ decision to ditch the ban on fake dog balls.