Hot looking people usually don’t know much of anything, but there’s one thing they do know:
They’d have to be even more brain dead than they are to not realize they’re good looking.
After all, they have mirrors.
Besides, everywhere they’ve gone since the womb, people have opened doors for them and kowtowed to them and even let them win at Bingo.
Because they’re cute.
So they know it.
And they let you know it.
They act all “I’m so hot,” dropping endless references into the conversation about how everyone is trying to pick them up and every single creature they run into lusts for them with their eyes and their wallet.
(This as you’re trying to pick them up. Awkward.)
For me, the nonstop parade of oozy arrogance makes their features metaphorically melt and turn into signposts of horror!
Instantly they become not cute in my eyes!
I’m not saying these people should lie and pretend they’re grotesque when they’re not.
But it would be refreshing to just once find someone who’s so dirt-dumb they don’t even have the faintest idea of how extraordinarily sizzling they are.
Then I’d finally meet someone I can respect.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on May 9, 2012