This is from Joan’s hilarious new book, I Hate Everyone…Starting With Me:
“First of all, he’s always got this shit-eating grin on his face, like he just got a note from his managers telling him that Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman are extending their confidentiality agreements.
“Second, in TV interviews, Tom laughs inappropriately and much too vociferously at non-humorous declarative statements, which is ironic because in real life he can’t take a fucking joke at all.
“All you have to do is make one simple, little, harmless, innocuous aside like, ‘The Scientology spaceship was late today; it had to stop in Fire Island to pick up Tom Cruise’ and he has a pack of lawyers at your door faster than Katie Holmes can say ‘No, really. He loves me in that way. I swear.’ ”
I bet even Tom’s lawyers might giggle at that one.
And lest they think Joan is playing favorites, she happens to hate Nicole too.
The comic says the ex-Mrs. Cruise makes stupid movies like Cold Mountain and The Hours and absurdly became A-list for putting putty on her nose.
“My face is made of paraffin and chewing gum and that cunt wins an Oscar?”
Photo: David Shankbone/Wikipedia
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on May 15, 2012