Battleship is a long, headache-inducing blend of cliches and explosions, about a fleet of ships out to save the world while making money at the box office.
One of the more notable things about it is that Rihanna makes her film debut as Petty Officer Cora ‘Weps’ Raikes, a kickass, sarcastic, but basically likable lady.
She’s not exactly Meryl or Viola at this point, but it’s not a disgrace.
Let’s face it, her lines aren’t quite Shakespeare to begin with.
They’re generally sardonic epithets like “Get up, princess!” and “[You’re] chicken! Kentucky Fried Chicken! You even look like the Colonel.”
Another nasty witticism Rihanna spits out is “Mahalo, mutha.”
And while doling out these lame-o-grams, the singing star is kind of not horrible.
She’s sort of not that bad in a could-be-better kind of way. She knows how to snarl and roll her eyes a little (while not yet exhibiting chops to transcend the kitsch).
More importantly, she looks amazing. And she seems glamorously comfortable with power weapons in her hands.
But the best thing about Battleship is that it’s basically the filmic equivalent of Chris Brown for her.
I.e., she might eventually move on to better things.