Recession? What recession?
This morning, the Post reported that the city’s most expensive parking spot is now on sale at 66 E. 11th Street in a tiny private garage. The location lies within a $38.8 million loft owned by developer Moran Fareed and includes a shower that shoots vitamin-C-and-aloe infused water at your face.
And its price tag: one million smackers.
The article quotes Robert Knackel, head of Massey Knackel, as saying, “The reality of New York City is that people are willing to pay more for a parking spot than the average person in the country pays for a house.” That’s a bold statement to make so, here at Runnin’ Scared, we have seven tips to make that reality come true. Here are some One Percent loopholes so you can park your 2002 Toyota Camry in style:
1. Start a SuperPAC. After Citizens United, everyone’s doing it – even Stephen Colbert has one and he’s raised more than $750,000 for a cause that doesn’t even exist. And you have to give it an extremely ambiguous so no one knows you just want a good spot. Suggestion: New Yorkers for a Closer Future.
2. Steal from super-rich people. No one would notice if you pick-pocketed Romney ($200 million), Trump ($2.9 billion), Bloomberg ($22 billion) or any other of the upper-upper-upper class; losing a million, to them, is like dropping a quarter on the floor. Google search someone you know whose really rich and put the word ‘worth’ next to it to see what your chances are of a five-finger discount.
3. Remember that Mega Millions craze a few months back? Well, once everyone lost, the one-day obsessive trend faded faster than Linsanity, which means now is your time to cash in. Start hoarding scratch offs and lucky numbers.
4. Write a comedy sitcom about nothing and cash in on the re-runs. Look at Jerry Seinfeld – his Porsche collection Uptown is like a conglomerate of the parking spots that you want. You can learn a lesson or two from someone who has proved that he is definitely the master of his domain.
5. Invest a few dollars in the next biggest social network. If Facebook’s transformation into a public corporation on Friday was any (and we mean, any) indication, Silicon Valley is the greatest place to make a quick million without really doing that much. And, as Bloomberg repeatedly tells us, New York is the new Silicon Valley. So find the next Instagram.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on May 20, 2012