Sayings I Don’t Ever Want to Hear Again


And I mean ever!!!

*“In this economy…”

Oh, shut up! Bo-ring!

*Girls calling each other “dude.”

That wore out its subversive charm about seven years ago. Just call each other “darling” and get on with it.

*So what’s exciting that’s going on these days?”

Um, the fact that I have a job and I actually get paid to give out information like that.

*“Perishable,” “raw,” “organic,” “whole,” “vegan”

Please! Just eat what’s in front of you! In other countries, they’re ingesting worm-filled dirt and not sitting around wondering if it’s perishable.

*“Join my Kickstarter campaign!”

Sure thing, hon. As soon as you pay my rent.

*You must have a portrait in the attic.”

Not only is that the tiredest of cliches, it implies that I miraculously don’t fully look how ancient I really am. Hush. Go back to your attic.

*You look so thin!”

People were saying this when in actuality I had gained four pounds. Hearing it made me gain three more. I’m now on the way down again, but even if I lose it all, don’t say I look thin. Just smile knowingly.

*Suck it!

Eat it!

*Harvesting,” “connecting,” “shepherding,” “trending,” “humanistic”….

Pretentious and soul deadening. Plug it up, dude!