We Need Our Own Diamond Jubilee!


After all, the one for Queenie has given the UK a much needed boost, everyone scrambling to buy mugs and T shirts and anything with the British flag colors in order to celebrate the old bag’s longevity at standing and waving.

And lord knows our own country could use such a bump, the latest jobs report giving a horrid kick in the pants to our fiscal mood, not to mention to Obama’s hope for re-election and my own prayers for a side gig working the register at a Chipotle.

So let’s do a lil’ old Jubilee and give ourselves the chance to buy headbands, planters, and tea cozies again!

It’ll pick us out of the mudhole!

Let’s celebrate the many, many years of our own queen–Barbara Walters.

Let’s face it, she’s run even longer than Queen Lizzie, and a salute to her would be festive yet dignified and would force people to wear funny hats, have picnics, and buy things.

Babs can go on The View for four solid days and tell people to make purchases or die–and believe me, they’ll listen and obey.

And just like in England, Kylie can perform!

No, wait. We have a real queen on our shores–Latifah.

How about a coming out jubilee full of rainbow colored potpourri and U-Hauls?