The Five Worst Types Of Drivers On The Road


And let’s expand this to include not just car drivers, but cyclists and even pedestrians.

The five rottenest by far are:

(5) The Horn Blowers
Their entire machismo depends on their easy access to a pointless, deafening horn–and I’m including the women. These cannibalistic cretins will beep for no godly reason other than to torture you while reminding themselves that they exist. Or do they? Apparently not, because whenever I give them the finger, they stop, cowed by my bigger balls. Beep you, bitches.

(4) The wrong-way bike riders
They will never budge even a milli-inch to give you the right of way! They just keep cannonballing right at you like heavy artillery shot by a lunatic. And even if by some miracle they happen to be going the right way, they’ll blithely cut you off without warning. (These dimwits don’t ever seem to have bells or vocal chords–just lots of plastic bags.)

(3) Drivers who make perpendicular turns as if they’re in a real-life video game. These wackos have no idea how to make a legal turn, nor do they care if they run you over like a cartoon character while trying to do so. To them, driving is a big geometric game without any consequence or feeling. “Go back to school!” I want to yell as I pick myself off the ground and do the middle finger thing again.

(2) Territorial bus drivers who feel they own the road, and in fact the entire city. They’ll gladly take over the whole boulevard as they steamroll forward and marginalize everyone else, including the wrong-way cyclists and perpendicular turners. But three wrongs don’t make a right turn.

And the worst of all:

(1) People who run into traffic from the middle of the block
Not only are they jay-running, but they don’t even look around as they do that, too focused on the music they’re listening to, not to mention their very important suicide mission. I have no problem at all with their apparent death wish, but do they have to jeopardize my life too?

And don’t even get me started on pedicab drivers (though at least they’re cute)!