This Cannibalism Trend Has Got To Stop!


It seems like every time I look at Google News, someone’s just eaten a person’s face or dismembered them and sent the parts around while nibbling on the leftovers.

This is sick!

I know there’s still a recession going on, but just sneak into the local pub and grab some bar nuts if you’re that hungry, for God’s sake.

And don’t convince yourself that people’s faces taste like chicken. Oh, no! They’re much saltier.

Besides, without vegetables, human body parts simply don’t comprise a balanced meal. If you have to eat someone’s leg or ear or taint, at least serve it with some cauliflower and a side salad.

And don’t even think of trying to find the right wine!

The whole chianti-and-human-liver trend died out with the Silence of the Lambs franchise, so where does that leave you? With your best friend’s arm and nothing to wash it down with.

So how about if you don’t eat people at all, OK?

It doesn’t go with anything and it’s never going to impress the foodies.

If this insane trend keeps up, I’m going to have to open a chain of Soylent Green Cafes.

And then you’ll be sorry.