Obama’s Ratings Have Slipped! Here’s How We Can Help


Ever since the jobs report came in with staggeringly unfunny statistics, President Obama‘s approval rating has gone down like a hooker, making him a little too close to Republican competitor Mitt Romney in the polls for the comfort of any sane American.

So here’s what we have to do, folks:

Go out and buy stuff! Any stuff!

That will make spending statistics go up–and you can just deal with the debt later, after Obama’s re-elected.

Get a job! Any job!

For years, we’ve all been putting off the sense that we might have to be a greeter at Wal-Mart for a while, but now’s the time to seize the day and actually do it.

Our employment will factor into the next jobs report, and what’s more, that new income might help you pay for all those things you bought thanks to my first suggestion.

Pick up your phone every time it rings. It might be a pollster.

If so, tell them you absolutely love Obama and you feel the economy’s doing just fine, thank you. That will bolster his ratings and help clear the air of doom messing up the media these days. Consider it a white lie to spare the Prez’s feelings.

And get ready to vote en masse.

Let’s make a statement, people.

This is no time for sitting back and letting fate take its course.

We have to act!

I mean, do you honestly think the economy is Obama’s fault or that Romney really has a better idea on how to handle it?

And wouldn’t you even rather have Obama in a bad economy than Romney in a good one?

Get off your ass!