Rock of Ages: Why Is It Not Rocking The Box Office?


There are some fun things in Rock of Ages–it’s hard to resist the gay twist, the boy band joke, and Alec Baldwin–but the movie’s not exactly igniting the box office with the pyrotechnics of a metal concert.

And I know why:

The people who like ’80s metal music aren’t dying to see two bland young people in a cookie-cutter love story.

Too many songs. The mood takes on a deadening dullness after a while. And liking the songs doesn’t mean you necessarily want to see these people do them.

Tom Cruise is hot again, but if you liked him in MI4, does that mean you want to see him in a comic musical turn?

Tom is actually very funny–in his first scene. But the character becomes a bit of an overextended joke.

He’s been given a way too young sounding, polished singing voice. Wait, he says it’s his own voice. Never mind.

Catherine Zeta Jones overacts as the mayor’s scandalously uptight wife, throwing off the tone at times.

It occasionally comes off like one of those rock/disco movies that destroyed ’70s cinema–Sgt. Pepper meets Xanadu.

But as I said, there are some appealing scenes and performances, so it’s not a total washout–more a near-miss that feels like a long sit.

And yet, I can assure you there will be a MI5 but not a Rock 2.

We’re not gonna take it!