The Best Broadway Bares Ever!


It happened last night at Roseland, raising truckloads of money for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS while lavishing the panting crowd with a Happy Endings show of fractured fairy tales.

The stories were carried out in spectacular, sassy numbers that had been choreographed and rehearsed to the max, with feathers on (or actually off).

There were numbers involving gay bullying, unicorns showing peen, ladies bumping it to “Puss N Boots,” three gay bears (and ultimately a whole army of them) taunting a male Goldilocks, and a big gayola wedding for the “Happy Ending.”

At one point, a very cute Pinocchio ended up with a wooden hardon, tapping it to “Knock on Wood.”

And let’s not forget the scene with Jennifer Tilly telling a young gay that she’s his evil stepmother.

“I’m sort of like a Patti LuPone,” growled Tilly, “minus the stepmother part.”

She then asked the guy if he’s searched for love at the Eagle.

“I’m looking for a boyfriend,” he replied, “not someone to pee on me!”

Hilarious lowbrow jokes like that have’t been combined with such artistry since…my column!