Zombie Apocalypse: Upstate Woman Tries To Eat Cop; Bath Salts NOT Suspected (Just Kidding)


It’s official: snorting bath salts makes you want to eat people.

Full disclosure: we’ve never done it. But there’s a reason — snorting bath salts apparently makes you want to fucking eat people!

The latest bath salt-inspired cannibal is a fellow New Yorker from Utica, who — after attempting to eat a cop — told authorities that she “wanted to kill someone and eat them.”

According to a press release posted on the City of Utica’s Facebook page, about 9 p.m. Saturday, police were called to Stanley’s Bar at 618 Court Street in Utica to deal with an “emotional[ly] disturbed person.”

When cops got to the bar, they found the unidentified 41-year-old woman sitting in a stairwell sweating profusely, and with a “blank stare” on her face.

The responding officer asked the woman what was wrong, at which point she became aggressive. She then lunged at one of the officers and attempted to bite him.

Police were able to subdue the would-be cannibal, at which point she told cops about her desire to murder and eat someone.

The woman was then taken to St. Luke’s Hospital, where it was determined that she was under the influence of bath salts.

Last week, for the second time in less than a month, a Florida man — 26-year-old Charles Baker — was arrested for allegedly taking a bite out someone while under the influence of bath salts. Get the details here.

About two weeks earlier, a Louisiana man also is suspected of being under the influence of bath salts when he gnawed the face of his neighbor. More on that here.

And lest we forget the story that kicked off the “Zombie Apocalypse” craze — Miami “zombie” Rudy Eugene was under the influence of drugs at the time of a brutal cannibalistic attack that left his victim, Ronald Poppo, without a face. That drug, of course, was bath salts.

This is now the ninth cannibalism story to make headlines in the last month, and the hype of the ongoing zombie apocalypse has become so widespread that the Centers for Disease Control even issued a statement last month saying that the “CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms).”

As we mentioned last week, it appears we’re in the midst of a bath salt apocalypse — not zombie.