Charity Events Are From Hunger!


Before you put on your best dress for leprosy and add a gold ribbon for the victims of water sports, please read this week’s column!

It’s about the boring parade of well-meaning charity events I’ve gone to, galas which are filled with self-congratulations, preaching, bad singers, and a silent auction where you can bid on boxed sets of old TV shows you hated.

And everyone acts so well behaved and self important at these affairs, feeling like they’re changing the world just because they got daddy to buy a table and take out an ad for his illegal car dealership in the evening’s program.

It’s all terribly meaningful, mind you, until you start wondering where the money is actually going and why rich people who regularly starve themselves sit around commiserating about world hunger.

Read this column. It is not a charitable event. It is actually good for you.

And when you’re finished, please volunteer to help those less fortunate than yourself.

And after that, protest in the streets about really changing the system in ways that self-righteously good-intentioned red carpet snoozes can only dream of.