Salvation is not much of an option at the Salvation Army.
Not if you’re gay and have the crazy idea that you want to live!
Shockingly enough, the media director for the organization, Andrew Craibe, just went on the radio and openly talked about their beliefs, which are based on the Christian scriptures.
In casual conversation, Craibe crabbed that gays simply should be, you know, put to their death!
He didn’t even seem to mean this in a symbolic way–you know, as in “They should go to a strip mall” or “They need to all move to Branson.”
He meant literally die!
Of course this shouldn’t be that much of a surprise since that’s what the S.A.’s doctrines have long said, and we’ve known for aeons that a gay that shops there is like an aging Ken doll homosexual conservative who backs Romney.
But still, it’s pretty terrifying that this kind of stupidity from on high is happening right here, bringing an unwanted touch of Uganda to New York City!
So next time you want to buy worn-out furniture that looks like it’s got bedbugs (and Craibes), please go somewhere else.
They’re probably trying to kill you with their used futons.