For any brides-to-be looking to potentially turn their special day into a fucking blood bath, you’re in luck…
As was brought to our attention by a friend who’s about to walk down the aisle — under the subject “Just found a winner for our wedding favors. Let’s get weird…,” — several companies offer bath salt bouquets as gifts for bridal parties.
Granted, bath salts have uses other than to get you high enough to eat people — like, for example, taking baths — but given the seemingly endless headlines about cannibalistic bath salt users, perhaps a mani/pedi might be a more appropriate gift for the gals this wedding season.
For the bargain price of $3.95 each, glowing brides can treat their bridal party to a basket of personalized bath salts.
Here’s the description of the gift from “Beaucoup”:
your senses in luxury with these personalized bath salt favors. Whether
you select a seductive scent for your wedding or a soothing scent for
your bridal shower, guests will simply purr with pleasure–even before
they’ve popped the cork.
Each bottle can be customized with a single initial, 3-letter
monogram or text in the font of your choice. The clear plastic bottles
are filled with your choice of colored scented bath salts: pink
(pomegranate), white (vanilla), blue (tropical blend), green (aloe),
purple (black raspberry), or yellow (almond honey). Each 6-oz. bottle
measures 2″W x 4.5″H and is topped with a genuine cork. A black or white
satin bow completes the look.
That, of course, is assuming the recipient doesn’t smoke, snort, or
inject the gift. If one junkie bridesmaid sees a bottle of bath salts as
an invitation to get fucked up on synthetic drugs, your wedding party
could end up looking more like the Donner Party.
In the past few months, there have been multiple cases of people
using bath salts and then — often times while naked — attempt to eat
Yesterday, we told you about a woman who got high on bath salts while
in the hospital after having a baby. She attacked hospital staff after
they found her rolling around naked on the floor of a shower.
On Tuesday, there was the case of Karl Laventure, who was found
walking around a Georgia golf course naked. When police showed up, he
started rambling about Tupac and Biggie before threatening to eat the
Last week, we told you about a Texas man who ate his family’s dog. He, however, was high on synthetic marijuana, which apparently has the same cannibalistic side-effects as bath salts.
Just a day earlier, we reported on a woman who tried to eat a cop while under the influence of bath salts.
A few weeks earlier, for the second time in less than a month, a Florida man — 26-year-old Charles Baker — was arrested for allegedly taking a bite out someone, also while under the influence of bath salts.
About two weeks before that, a Louisiana man also is suspected of being under the influence of bath salts when he gnawed the face of his neighbor.
And lest we forget the story that kicked off the “Zombie Apocalypse” craze — Miami “zombie” Rudy Eugene, who
was suspected to be under the influence of drugs at the time of a brutal cannibalistic
attack that left his victim, Ronald Poppo, without a face. Eugene, it turns out, was sober at the time of the attack — an autopsy revealed that the only thing in his system was marijuana.
Again, ladies — you’re probably better off just going with the mani/pedi.