Does Dan Savage Think It’s OK To Reward Weight Loss With Sex?


In this week’s Savage Love, which you can read here, Dan answers a couple of questions ranging from disabled “devotee” trust issues to polyamorous relationships to spousal weight gain.

Let’s talk about that last one because, boy, it’s a doozy!

A woman writes in to Savage, explaining that after three years of marriage, she and her husband just don’t get it on as much as they used to.

“A big part of the problem: In the time we’ve been together, he’s put on a lot of weight,” she says. “I’m not looking to blame his weight gain for my libido issues. I just need to shut up and put out more, and I’m working on that.”

The woman, “Likes Boys Slimmer,” goes on: “I’m wondering if it’s ethical to suggest incentivizing his weight loss with more sex. Sex every time he drops three pounds followed by sex once a week once he hits his target weight? I don’t think losing the beer belly will make me want to drop my pants all the time, but it couldn’t hurt, right?”


First off, major props to Savage.

He does answer her question (you can read what he says here), but then points to the obvious problem with her suggestion — without whacking us over the head with a jargon-laden explanation of why it’s a bad idea.

Rather, he uses humor to point out that her reasoning can’t be applied both ways — imagine if a husband suggested that to his wife — indicating that it should be questioned.

“Of course, I couldn’t give you the same advice if the genders were reversed because…,well, it looks like we’re out of room. So we’ll have to leave the gendered politics of fat for a future column.”

Seriously, Savage — very well played.

So yeah: Maybe reconsider suggesting a sex-for-svelte swap with your partner?


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