Serial Foot-Licker Anthony Parri Claims Barack Obama Set Him Up


Grab your tinfoil helmets, birthers: there’s a new Barack Obama conspiracy theory to wrap your heads around — this one involves an alleged serial foot-licker and the president’s plan to set him up.

An upstate man was arrested yesterday after he allegedly licked the feet of two young girls at a library in a suburb of Rochester. Following his arrest, he declared his innocence, alleging that the whole thing was a setup at the hands of the most powerful man on earth.

According to local media reports, 49-year-old Anthony Parri was in the children’s section at the Penfield Public Library yesterday when he removed the shoe of a little girl and rubbed her bare foot on his nose and mouth — and that was just one of two alleged foot-licking incidents that happened yesterday at the library.

A library employee witnessed one of the lickings and called police, who arrested Parri shortly after.

Following his arraignment, while walking out of the courtroom, Parri proclaimed his innocence, and provided his theory on why he ended up in police custody.

“I am being set up by the President Barack Obama and the city and the federal government,” he declared outside of the courthouse.

Parri is also suspected in at least five similar lickings. In those cases, it’s suspected that he approached young girls — ages 5 and 10 — and licked their feet.

In case you’re not already thoroughly creeped out, Parri’s got a history of violence — he has two prior convictions dating back to the 1980s for assault and attempted murder.

Parri’s been charged with charges of sexual abuse and endangering the welfare of a minor. He’s being held without bail.

The White House could not be reached for comment.