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Are There Mexican Green Cards?

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Dear
Mexican:
I know I might sound like a gabacho
borracho
, but I’m really just a gringo trying to make
progress towards getting work legally in Mexico, a side of the
immigration debate we rarely hear about. Most gringos that move to
Mexico are students at UNAM or they are retired people who move to
gated seaside communities or they move to San Miguel de Allende to
help drive the housing costs up even further. Others move to Ajijic
at Lake Chapala, where most of them never learn Spanish, and spend
most of their time going to potluck gatherings with other gringos
retirados. Okay, I guess orgullo
gringoso
has its place. I am a rarity: I’m a gringo who
lives and works in Mexico about six months a year. I want to live in
Mexico year-round and work legally. Sure, there’s a system set up for
this, sort of… It’s the FM-3 visa and various other paper chase
b.s. Not only does it beg
mordida, but it is
slow and has many roadblocks.

So
far, I have worked under the table in Mexican tourism. Similar to
architects from DF who end up working as waiters in Santa Monica or
Seattle, I have had to work in hotels and restaurants in Mexico
(Vallarta, Cabo, Maz, etc.) to survive. Selling time-shares is not
for me (I am a lousy con-artist). I want to work in my chosen
profession: movie and TV production, and I want to get the equivalent
of a Mexican green card. Do they exist? Is it possible for me to have
a card that allows me to apply for work just as Mexican nationals do
in Mexico City? I want to pay income taxes in Mexico and contribute
to the better future of Mexico. I speak Spanish well, and if I ever
had a chance to talk to ex-prezes Fox and Calderon, I would say this:
“For every 10,000 Mexicans working in the USA, can’t you grant one
green card to a gringo?” That’s not asking a lot is it?–
El
Gringo Mojado

Dear
Wetback Gabacho: You can take steps to become a legal taxpayer—have
you applied for the CURC? Gone through SAT? Got your CIEC?—but why
bother? As you pointed out, it’s a bureaucratic nightmare, and
gabacho illegals have lived the good life in Mexico for
decades. You’re not likely to get deported given Mexico needs every
gabacho dollar possible during these dark times of narcowars,
and even becoming a legal resident or a naturalized citizen still
qualifies you as a second-class person (despite your gabacho
status) just above an indio, so you might as well stay
illegal. Besides, look on the bright side: less taxes paid to the
Mexican government means more money stays in the local economy. You
ain’t an illegal: like the Mexi illegals up here, you’re a
patriot against pendejo borders and antiquated citizenship
laws.

Why
is it our
tías y abuelitas are so superstitious
and have so many wild stories? The latest rattlesnake in the
lechuga/cilantro/nopales
(pick one) biting a
mujer in a supermercado
(pick your local one) who decides to rest in her
carro
while
esposo finishes the shopping, then dies,
is just the latest to circulate the Central and Southern California
coast.–Cynthia the Pocha

Dear
Pocha: What you describe sounds like a spin on classic urban legend
of the woman who found a rat in her bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken,
examined in full in Jan Harold Brunvand’s 1981 classic The
Vanishing Hitchhiker: American Urban Legends & Their Meanings
.
He noted that the legend was based on truthful accounts of food
contamination, and theorized its popularity was our collective
unconscious projecting fears of “a world of shocking ugliness lying
just beneath a surface of tranquility and apparent wholesomeness.”
Besides, the only Mexican wives tale that I know involving snakes is
a supposed 30-foot-long flying snake lives in the mountains above the
rancho of my mami’s birth.

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the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook,
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