Does Dan Savage Think It’s OK To Laugh During Sex?


This week in Savage Love, which you can check out here, Dan answers a couple of questions — from the existential crisis of a straight woman who wants to see a man in lady panties to condom safety in gay threesomes.

It’s all interesting stuff, but the story of the woman with the crossdressing-partner fantasy particularly fascinates.

Lingerie Without a Man Writes: “One of my biggest fantasies is for a guy to dress up in women’s underwear. Not full-blown drag, just a teddy, fishnets, and some heels. He doesn’t even have to act like a woman. I just want him to parade around a bit, and just for me.”

However, she worries. She’s only had the ovaries to bring this up with two partners, but hasn’t gone through with it, explaining:

“My first boyfriend was game, but I was so insecure with my sexuality at the time that I let it go. My second boyfriend found it degrading and wouldn’t do it. I think there are two things holding me back: (1) I’ve never even heard of this fantasy, and that makes me feel like a creep. Is there a name for it? (2) I know the first time I will giggle with joy and I’m afraid that will be a big buzzkill if my hypothetical future boyfriend thinks I’m laughing at him.”

Savage assuages LWAM’s fears, telling her: “This fantasy makes you more sexually and romantically marketable than you seem to realize, LWAM. The world is full of men who aren’t gay, aren’t into drag, and aren’t into full-blown crossdressing but who are turned on by the idea of wearing the girlfriend’s panties and/or a little lingerie. A lot of these men are with women who barely tolerate their kinks.”

Also, he claims that many dudes “are out there looking for a girlfriend who is turned on by the thought of a guy in panties, teddies, fishnets, and heels. Post a few explicit personal ads on online dating sites — kinkster and normster — and I promise you’ll be flooded with responses from guys who want to put on a show for you.”

But what about the giggling, you might ask?

Well, Savage says that it’s OK — with a few caveats, of course.

For starters, you should make sure your partner doesn’t think you’re laughing at him.

So, “if you’re worried that your partner might think you’re laughing at him, qualify your giggles in advance. Explain that you’re prone to joyous laughter when you’re turned on and you might get a little giddy during his performance. Emphasize that your giggles are evidence of arousal, not disgust or contempt. Then prove it by fucking the shit out of him.”

That sounds fair — if you’re going to giggle, give a little warning.

But what do other people say about this?

For you, dear readers, we fearlessly scoured the internet (read: Google searched “Is it OK To Laugh During Sex?”) and see what random pearls of wisdom can be gathered from the web.

One Lauren Romano, of Yahoo!, says “yes” (and says so emphatically, it should be noted.)

The laughing-appropriate situations seem to include when a partner falls off the bed, gets stuck in clothing, or farts.

A thread on a Plenty of Fish forum apparently discusses this topic for six pages.

Most say “yes,” but some have gotten negative feedback for their self-expression.

Apparently INTJ’s, one of the quieter personality types, have concerns about laugh reactions, too.

What do you guys think?

Is laughing OK or a total bonerkiller?

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