Over the weekend, Catalpa Fest came to Randall’s Island in an attempt to become the New York music festival. Festivals are, by nature, learning experiences (Because if you aren’t learning anything, why the hell are you subjecting yourself to a festival?). We’ve documented a series of important lessons we learned from the weekend. Take these to heart, they may save your life one day. [All GIFs by Loren Wohl]
1. Yo-yos, when not in the hands of experts, are extremely dangerous:
“The history of the yo-yo is a long and surprising one,” someone who is way too into yo-yos will tell you. The earliest recorded example of a yo-yo dates back 2,500 years to ancient Greece. That’s right, the yo-yo predates Christ. It is completely possible that one of Jesus’s undocumented miracles was walking the dog.
The above GIF demonstrates how not to use a yo-yo. It is, however, a great way to clear space when walking through crowds.
2. Paddle ball is always less fun than you think:
Paddle ball, like festivals themselves, is far more enjoyable in theory than in execution. It combines the excitement of a beginner’s tennis lesson with the high stakes of patty cake.
Also, please don’t count off your rallies. 3 is a respectable number and you should quit on top.
3. Dance like nobody’s watching, but keep in mind someone might be making a GIF:
This looks fun! Way more fun than paddle ball (SEE NUMBER TWO).
4. Always be prepared:
While everyone else cowered in fear from the rain, the above trooper planned ahead and didn’t have to miss a beat due to some measly mud. Just be sure to take them off before coming in the house. Damn it, why’d you leave those on? Now there’s mud everywhere. What do you suggest we do? The steamer at Lowe’s is checked out until Friday. We’re having guests over in an hour and it looks like the dog dragged ass all over the living room. The foyer is tiled, just go back in there and leave your boots. You really blew it.
5. Bags are a great way to store things and identify your buddies:
Look at the bag crew jamming out. Where’s your bag? That’s right, you didn’t bring one. You thought you’d have enough pocket space, but you’ve accumulated all these receipts and food vouchers and you can feel them on your thighs when you walk around and–oh God–it shouldn’t be a big deal but it’s kinda scratchy and annoying and distracting. Oh, and no, you can’t dance with the bag crew. Bags only, chief.
6. Maryland Lacrosse Fucking Rules, Bro: